Growing up, I was aware of the thing termed 'male gaze' on a subconscious level. The assumption that women are desirable lived in me as I grew up into a lesbian. I mean, the whole media effects different people differently, a lot of people don't get that from it. The equation is mild prosopagnosia + male gaze + female = lesbian in my case, but more girls get a complex where they think of themselves as being watched.
So, I think of myself as a lesbian. That is an important part of my identity. Yet, one movie in which the camera lingers on a dude with ten costumes smiling for his audience and I'm looking up photos of Tom Hiddleston and drawings of Loki hugging everyone.
Ehh, it's not like I didn't look at yaoi stuff before, anyways. It's not really manly enough to put me off, and it is mostly the manliness that puts me off dudes anyways.. It's just weird how much Hollywood spectacle changes what I'm focused on.
spriteless log
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
I love summer
Three birds were fighting and flew close enough to me that the wind brushed my arm. D'aww
Saturday, April 14, 2012
I saw something green this morning
My car is broked; I was with Dad driving to work, to drive his car back so as to borrow it. At 5am. So, on the way back, right after crossing the river, I saw trees that were more saturated green than I thought possible. There are several reasons this could be: it is spring and trees are getting greener (especially near the river), it was daybreak and my color vision may have kicked in as I was over the water, and I had just listened to Jupiter from Gustav Holst's The Planets which puts to mind splashes of colors.
But, anyways, pretty.
But, anyways, pretty.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
It's hard to program in dreams
Whatever text I type changes the second I look away so I can't do the same google search twice, and any code I type will need to be copy edited indefinitely.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Thanksgiving
I don't feel like listing what I am thankful for.
At dinner with my family, stepmom suggested I take a plate to my mom. She is so generous. Wow. As generous as mom is a pain....
When I cough it triggers a reflex to cough, in a vicious cycle. I usually think myself out of it a bit after I've creeped out other people. My brother says it's a good thing I don't ever smoke.
I am constantly fidgety, and it annoys people. I actually get sore if I don't move around my legs often enough. So I have to get some exercise every day.
2 health 'problems' that are advantages in today's environment. Evolution has no goal, it just random stuff surviving in different environments.
Edit: and now my sister has eaten enough to be miserable when moving things out.
At dinner with my family, stepmom suggested I take a plate to my mom. She is so generous. Wow. As generous as mom is a pain....
When I cough it triggers a reflex to cough, in a vicious cycle. I usually think myself out of it a bit after I've creeped out other people. My brother says it's a good thing I don't ever smoke.
I am constantly fidgety, and it annoys people. I actually get sore if I don't move around my legs often enough. So I have to get some exercise every day.
2 health 'problems' that are advantages in today's environment. Evolution has no goal, it just random stuff surviving in different environments.
Edit: and now my sister has eaten enough to be miserable when moving things out.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
fantasy spider people
Instead of drawing a bunch of spiders in weird poses by memory, I downloaded a bunch of spider pictures and looked at them today! Thinking of spiders a lot.
The spider people are always in disguise amongst humanoids. They walk uprightish, with two pairs of legs holding them stable and two or three pairs for holding stuff. They wear humanoids' clothing for this too. I figure, if real spiders can cover themselves in ant corpses to hunt ants, spider people can wear clothes to trade with humanoids.
They do trade with humanoids. The bones and shells of what they have hunted and, um, excretions like poison/acid and web, and uhh, textiles made of them... for lots of tasty blood and broth. They keep big pack animals and bleed them without killing them.
Why are spiders even sentient? Spiders are opportunistic or patient hunters, some eat their mates, they lay 100s of eggs a few species guard them until the hatchlings disperse. Given enough food they will eat until their digestion track explodes, and they don't anesthetize their food, just paralyze it.
Fantasy giant spiders were vulnerable to summoning and binding magic, and in their tame form had a lot of advantages, being able to work together. The spider civilization is an extension of that. Hatchling spiders are still pests, they have to be indoctrinated. Only those most vulnerable to magic end up becoming civilized.
That vulnerability could go some of the way towards balancing out the acid/poison and the webbing attacks and maybe climbing or walking on water.
The spider people are always in disguise amongst humanoids. They walk uprightish, with two pairs of legs holding them stable and two or three pairs for holding stuff. They wear humanoids' clothing for this too. I figure, if real spiders can cover themselves in ant corpses to hunt ants, spider people can wear clothes to trade with humanoids.
They do trade with humanoids. The bones and shells of what they have hunted and, um, excretions like poison/acid and web, and uhh, textiles made of them... for lots of tasty blood and broth. They keep big pack animals and bleed them without killing them.
Why are spiders even sentient? Spiders are opportunistic or patient hunters, some eat their mates, they lay 100s of eggs a few species guard them until the hatchlings disperse. Given enough food they will eat until their digestion track explodes, and they don't anesthetize their food, just paralyze it.
Fantasy giant spiders were vulnerable to summoning and binding magic, and in their tame form had a lot of advantages, being able to work together. The spider civilization is an extension of that. Hatchling spiders are still pests, they have to be indoctrinated. Only those most vulnerable to magic end up becoming civilized.
That vulnerability could go some of the way towards balancing out the acid/poison and the webbing attacks and maybe climbing or walking on water.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
An idea sheet
Unearthly Aggregate sounds better now that I've slept on it.
Item worlds are based on the properties of the item. How well it is made, of what material, what markings, engravings, or embedded stones it is adorned with, and what it is (sword or bow or mirror or bottle) contribute to the seed of the world. You can enter a world and interact and make it grow to empower the item, or you could plunder it for more items and people, which reduces the item's power. Some stuff makes a world that consists entirely of a small 'dungeon,' which you can either plunder for treasure, or figure out the logic of that world and create more of it.
It all sounds so vague and undefined now that I write it, but in writing it I at least enumerate my ideas on it better.
Squidi has enumerated ideas how to do this very thoroughly (and wants people to use it). His stuff seems to evoke a very structured game, in which you need to explore things in order. I would rather a world like Pokemon Red or Ultima III-V where you must explore and experiment. Probably other Ultima games too, in fact, the whole Western RPG genre is defined by it. However, I could turn his gating algorithms inside out in order to ensure the worlds are beatable.
You can recruit people, and these people are the products of their worlds. I imagine a noncombatant hidden character would be easy to find if you enter the world of a piece of depleted rubbish, who would help do friendly NPC sidequest things and learn crafting, to help players less interested in it. Some items you would craft just to create powerful allies, like a big mirror that has more room to be covered in runes would be useful for that, though not a weapon itself. You can find people who don't use swords in a sword, but a legendary sword may hold a legendary swordsman.
After going through all that trouble, maybe the item should not be depleted if you take the legendary-item-user home. Maybe the legendary item should be sealed to the legendary-item-user. That... sounds actually like a good theme.
Item worlds are based on the properties of the item. How well it is made, of what material, what markings, engravings, or embedded stones it is adorned with, and what it is (sword or bow or mirror or bottle) contribute to the seed of the world. You can enter a world and interact and make it grow to empower the item, or you could plunder it for more items and people, which reduces the item's power. Some stuff makes a world that consists entirely of a small 'dungeon,' which you can either plunder for treasure, or figure out the logic of that world and create more of it.
It all sounds so vague and undefined now that I write it, but in writing it I at least enumerate my ideas on it better.
Squidi has enumerated ideas how to do this very thoroughly (and wants people to use it). His stuff seems to evoke a very structured game, in which you need to explore things in order. I would rather a world like Pokemon Red or Ultima III-V where you must explore and experiment. Probably other Ultima games too, in fact, the whole Western RPG genre is defined by it. However, I could turn his gating algorithms inside out in order to ensure the worlds are beatable.
You can recruit people, and these people are the products of their worlds. I imagine a noncombatant hidden character would be easy to find if you enter the world of a piece of depleted rubbish, who would help do friendly NPC sidequest things and learn crafting, to help players less interested in it. Some items you would craft just to create powerful allies, like a big mirror that has more room to be covered in runes would be useful for that, though not a weapon itself. You can find people who don't use swords in a sword, but a legendary sword may hold a legendary swordsman.
After going through all that trouble, maybe the item should not be depleted if you take the legendary-item-user home. Maybe the legendary item should be sealed to the legendary-item-user. That... sounds actually like a good theme.
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