Hollywood Gaze

Growing up, I was aware of the thing termed 'male gaze' on a subconscious level. The assumption that women are desirable lived in me as I grew up into a lesbian. I mean, the whole media effects different people differently, a lot of people don't get that from it. The equation is mild prosopagnosia + male gaze + female = lesbian in my case, but more girls get a complex where they think of themselves as being watched.

So, I think of myself as a lesbian. That is an important part of my identity. Yet, one movie in which the camera lingers on a dude with ten costumes smiling for his audience and I'm looking up photos of Tom Hiddleston and drawings of Loki hugging everyone.

Ehh, it's not like I didn't look at yaoi stuff before, anyways. It's not really manly enough to put me off, and it is mostly the manliness that puts me off dudes anyways.. It's just weird how much Hollywood spectacle changes what I'm focused on.

I love summer

Three birds were fighting and flew close enough to me that the wind brushed my arm. D'aww

I saw something green this morning

My car is broked; I was with Dad driving to work, to drive his car back so as to borrow it. At 5am. So, on the way back, right after crossing the river, I saw trees that were more saturated green than I thought possible. There are several reasons this could be: it is spring and trees are getting greener (especially near the river), it was daybreak and my color vision may have kicked in as I was over the water, and I had just listened to Jupiter from Gustav Holst's The Planets which puts to mind splashes of colors.

But, anyways, pretty.

It's hard to program in dreams

Whatever text I type changes the second I look away so I can't do the same google search twice, and any code I type will need to be copy edited indefinitely.